Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Failing at Meditation

So here I sit trying to meditate.

The dog wants to play.  Go away can't you see I'm meditating? Oh failed again, my mind has wandered off about the dog.

Back to focusing. Ok, no thought. Hmmm.  It would be so cool to be a Zen teacher. All those students admiring my great mind control.  I could teach them so much about the empty mind and no thought. Failed again, my mind wandered.

Focus! Just experience what is right in front of me.  Oh, the dog again. The dog is so Zen.  Just right there in the moment.  No thought of the past, future, and no self analysis of the present.  Just being a dog.  Which I was like that. Ah, failed again.

Ok, be present in my room. The rug.  The table. The wall. The dog. Just as they are.  I remember a cool talk by Gil Fronsdale about not letting the mind wander. He is so cool.  Wish I could be like that. I bet he's rich too. And gets to meditate all day.  Arrrgh, failed again.

New approach, watch the failures and stay with them.  Just observe what my mind is doing. Ahh, the dog.  Watch how I perceive the dog. My mind wanders.  Let it.  Watch where it wanders and why.  Then I start to think too much.  Why? What is happening? Ah, what desires are pushing my thoughts? Oh 'failure'. Why do I think that? Be conscious of the failure and and the thoughts and feeling of disappointment at 'failing'.


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