Failing at Meditation

So here I sit trying to meditate.

The dog wants to play.  Go away can't you see I'm meditating? Oh failed again, my mind has wandered off about the dog.

Back to focusing. Ok, no thought. Hmmm.  It would be so cool to be a Zen teacher. All those students admiring my great mind control.  I could teach them so much about the empty mind and no thought. Failed again, my mind wandered.

Focus! Just experience what is right in front of me.  Oh, the dog again. The dog is so Zen.  Just right there in the moment.  No thought of the past, future, and no self analysis of the present.  Just being a dog.  Which I was like that. Ah, failed again.

Ok, be present in my room. The rug.  The table. The wall. The dog. Just as they are.  I remember a cool talk by Gil Fronsdale about not letting the mind wander. He is so cool.  Wish I could be like that. I bet he's rich too. And gets to meditate all day.  Arrrgh, failed again.

New approach, watch the failures and stay with them.  Just observe what my mind is doing. Ahh, the dog.  Watch how I perceive the dog. My mind wanders.  Let it.  Watch where it wanders and why.  Then I start to think too much.  Why? What is happening? Ah, what desires are pushing my thoughts? Oh 'failure'. Why do I think that? Be conscious of the failure and and the thoughts and feeling of disappointment at 'failing'.

"Success".

The Rules of Engagement

For Software Developers

Some rules of working, in particular in start-up companies...

• I you are self employed or 1099.  Ignore any promises of a bonus to make up the tax differences at the end of the year.  Compared to W2 you must make about 20% more to account for medical insurance, self-employment tax, and in general, risk.  So $50 per hour @ 2000 hours per year, is not the same as $100,000 / year as an employee.
• Any stock option promises should be discounted to about 10% of what they vaguely quote they will be worth.
• If you have the meeting... "We are short this payroll, but will get money on Monday and everyone will get paid".  Leave immediately.  If you are not getting paid, do not work even one hour.  It is not about your loyalty to the company, it is about the company's loyalty to you. (Exception: if you own more than 30% of the company then you are the company.)
• Do not ignore the signs of failure.  There is always the hope that "things are about to get better".