Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Worrisome Bulge in Mt. St. Helens

The US Forest Service announced today that the bulge in the summit crater of Mt. St. Helens has become a concern. Such an unsightly bulge may be due to the age of the volcano and lower activity rates.

The current weight loss plan include more frequent eruptions, and a reduction in input from the magma chamber below.

A Dexatrim(tm) spokesperson says that this will be their most challenging client. A contender for the weight loss program was the well know Weight Watchers(tm). An unidentified internal government worker was heard to say that 'Weight Watchers was not the lowest cost bidder, and the mountain would be unable to attend the weekly meetings.'

The forest service will be using their aerial water drop planes to dump 500 gallons of Dexatrim per day on the mountain summit.

Geriatrics specialist Dr. Friedman of the University of Utah Medical Center for Aging commented that the 1980 eruption seemed to due to comments by the Forrest Service about the volcano's weight. After the eruption the mountain kept the weight off for a few years and is now gaining it back, plus a little more.

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York commented that she had visited the volcano years ago and taken some pictures. 'It's not pretty to see an old friend let her self go like this, but I'm supportive and she is trying', quipped her highness.

Mt. St. Helens was unavailable for comment as it is currently dormant.


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